Back on the Horse even if it kills me.


I dropped off the face of the earth it seems?
Well almost. It’s been a hard couple of months and like always I tend to become a hermit when life knocks me down a couple of pegs.
A recap:
However in deciding to getting my shit back together, I found out I pregnant. It was unexpected, my husband and I had been trying for two years with no results. We had just come to terms that one is all we’re gonna get. Well the universe has a sense of humor and BLAM! Ta-da! We were expecting one. Being high-risk for pregnancy the doctors told me not to resume exercise and take it easy. So I had gotten to 1 1/2 hours at the gym 4 times a week to nothing, leisurely swimming. I was feeling lethargic. The doctor said no dieting. I would still eat healthy but didn’t track what I was eating. It was a slippery slope from there. Every day I lost ground. In the end I lost it all anyways. Had a miscarriage ended up in the hospital from lost of blood and then doctor’s order to take it easy since I was still anemic. That was pretty much rock bottom for me. I turned to all my comfort foods, polishing off amounts like I never had before. Not leaving the house, I was digging myself into a whole and hoping for everybody to pass me by and leave me stuck in it.
My husband snapped me out of it. Talking to a councler, before she even opened her mouth I knew why I had ended there and I needed to pull myself out of it.
The now:
It seems twice as hard to cover ground you’ve lost. My legs where all jelly, I had to retrain again. Had to stop eating all things I had learned to crave and want everyday. I all I can say its SO DAMN HARD. A little voice inside of me keeps saying, “why are you doing this to yourself?! You are just making yourself more miserable!” Most of the time I say NO, Some times I say yeah this is making me a little crazy. However the most important thing of all is that I’m back on the horse, and I want to stay on it! No matter how many times it knocks me off.


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